First, you’ll need a bag like the one pictured above. It should be a Charlotte Orioles bag because those are awesome. Also, people will know that you know me and think very highly of you.
Then you will need to fill said bag.
The wallet, if you did not already know, is for carrying money that you will be cheated out of by vendors who pretend to offer you special deals but are really selling you the same thing that everyone else in China is selling.
The iPod is necessary for rocking out on ridiculously long bus rides. Be warned that if the daughter of your professor asks to borrow it that not all people look at artists but instead check out songs and if you’re into hip-hop then the “F” section will get you into trouble.
The notebook, folder, and pens are obvious choices for scholars such as myself. I keep tickets for my scrapbook (don’t laugh, scrapbooking is an art form) and I collect random papers I see. For example, tonight I got a job application to a McDonald’s in Beijing.
The cards are very handy if you ever get lost in China. They all say have directions for getting you back to your hotel or a great restaurant. Also, good for scrapbooking.
The shirt is for proving your dedication to your school and community. Most people were worried there just weren’t enough pictures of me in our video presentation to the school board. Now I can make a video just about me.
The frisbee is because I can’t throw a football. Thanks, Dad.
The chopsticks are to prove my dedication to China. Surprisingly, not every restaurant has chopsticks for someone who has sworn to eat only using chopsticks. Thus you must steal your own from a hotel in Guilin.
The phrase book is useful for pretending to know how tones work in the Chinese language. I recommend Frommer’s for pages 143-146, the “Getting Intimate” section. “I think this was a mistake” and “I’m sorry but I’m leaving” are still the most useful sentences I don’t actually know how to say nor will ever need to say.
The nunchucks are for beating up punks. Lime green ones are most useful for communicating that not only are you hardcore but also here to party. The foam is for your own protection.
Each of those items is necessary for your survival at places with a reputation for violence like the Big Goose Pagoda that we visited on our first day in the Shaanxi province and the city of Xi’an. Everyone knows that Buddhists kill more American tourists each year than hippos and diarrhea combined.
The Big Goose Pagoda is a structure that was built by Buddhists who had run low on food but, after praying for help, found a nutrious bounty of geese falling dead from the sky. I got some great shots of murals about Buddha’s life – including his mother getting impregnanted by an elephant – and I climbed to the top of the pagoda.
Afterwards, we went to the city center and bell tower. Xi’an was historically the “capitol” of several major dynasties and the origin of the Silk Road. The bell tower is supposed to be literally the heart and center of China.
Near the city center – and across from a mini-mall that was built on a bulldozed temple, which is okay because they named the mini-mall after the temple they tore down – is the Muslim quarter of Xi’an.
We had an awesome lamb soup dinner and then checked out the night market. For the most part these places are all the same but this one was actually very cool despite having many of the same things we’ve seen elsewhere already. The Obama as Mao shirt was new and I’ll have to get a picture of it for you later.
I also found lotus shoes with the help of Dr. Jin and that was amazing. The unit plan I submitted, and that got me accepted to this trip, was all about foot-binding and now I have actual shoes to share with my students.
Foot-binding is one of my favorite things to talk about in World History. The practice began long ago and there are various myths as to why it became so popular but the core idea is that women having tiny feet was considered incredibly attractive. The process of breaking the foot to make it smaller was gruesome but the result was a phenomenon that I can talk about for hours.
I won’t say much more here but the gist of the lesson I teach is looking at foot-binding in the context of what it meant in ancient Chinese society and unpacking our own understanding of it. Trust me, you can’t look at some of the pictures out there and not be disgusted. But who are we to judge the ancient Chinese? I think botox, boob jobs, and Kenny Rogers are evidence enough of our own similar problems.
Our second day in Xi’an started with the famous Terracotta Warriors. Actually, it started at a factory that produces some of the most authentic duplicates in all of China. We could see the quality in the statues that greet you as you enter the factory. In fact, one of them was super sexy.
The actual statues are incredibly impressive. The sheer number that have been unearthed is overwhelming and a statement not only to the greatness of the ancient Chinese but also the ego of the Qin emperor.
Qin Shuangdi unified China and created what is truly the first dynasty of a cycle that would last two millenia. He was blatantly ruthless and supported a philosophy that stands in stark contrast to the ones that would come to dominate China down the road.
There are two reasons that Qin was undeniably tough. He buried Confucian scholars alive just for kicks and insisted that all defeated enemies be beheaded.
So it makes sense that when he died it would be with a loyal army to protect him in the afterlife. This was a common practice in ancient China. But many were satisfied with a few, much smaller statues and not everyone wanted a cadre of warriors with them in death.
But Qin, despite being a unifier and very powerful, wasn’t always the most popular leader. The dynasty fell apart after his death and his enemies destroyed many of the warriors in his tomb. The favored method for desecrating the burial site? Beheading or burying the terracotta warriors.
The second day in Xi’an was easily the best day up until that point. The warriors were amazing and we ended the day at the city wall. About five square miles of the city are inside the ancient city walls and I got to ride a rented, broken down bike around them.
The walls are interesting for more reasons than just the history they have endured. No buildings inside the nine miles of city wall are legally permitted to be taller than said walls. So on one side you have skyscrapers but on the other you have relatively short buildings that don’t rise above the watchtowers. The other cool thing was that the city officials left all of the decorations up from the new year celebrations. Can you guess which year it is based on the decorations?
We actually finished our day at the mosque in the Muslim quarter and with a cultural event later that told stories about the Tang dynasty through dance. Unfortunately, we were rushed through the mosque and I had to urinate pretty badly throughout the whole performance so I couldn’t fully enjoy either one.
The next day we spent some time at the Shaanxi Provincial History Museum. It was boring because I wanted to sleep in and you couldn’t take pictures and it was exactly like the last museum. The only super cool thing? Knife-shaped currency. I could be down with knife-shaped currency.
In just a few days, I’ll catch up on posting to the blog with my adventures in Beijing. In the meantime, you can check out the blog of some comrades (Hodson and Swirly’s China Adventure) and the Flickr site I created for our pictures.
Unfortunately, the Internet in China is very slow so the Flickr account isn’t up to date in the slightest. I am, however, working on that as we speak. I have to give credit where it is due to my boy, Stan, who is our group photographer. The kid knows his way around a camera and most of the pictures you’ll see uploaded are his work.
Be safe. And don’t forget your chuks.
You got to snuggle a panda? Jealous!
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