In two days, I felt like I spent two weeks in the Guangxi region....

I feel like it has been over a week since my last update. I was sitting on my bed in the hotel, uploading and organizing photos from today’s events, when I realized that I had posted to my blog from Hong Kong only three days ago. I felt guilty for having not updated but that revelation just made me realize that you’re expecting way too much from me. You should be ashamed of the pressure you’re putting on me and for never telling me how pretty I am anymore.

Anyway, I feel like it was weeks ago that I was crying at my sister’s wedding like a baby that had been punched in the face. We’ve done and seen so much in the past few days that I can’t believe I’ll still be here for a few more weeks. I may be out of clean clothes and have already gained a reputation as the most willing/likely to do stupid things but I’m pumped to see what else China can dish out.

Speaking of China, I’m officially in the People’s Republic of China. What you see above are the hundreds of oyster farms along the bridge from the autonomous region of Hong Kong to the border at Shenzen. I think I joked too much about getting arrested and that people showed too much genuine concern because I was actually really nervous as we went through security.

Our next stop was the region of Guangxi. We had to take an overnight train from Shenzen to the city of Guilin. The trip lasted 13 hours but I got the top bunk so I don’t have any complaints. Actually, my bed on the train was more comfortable than the one at our hotel at Guilin. But the hotel was cooler because it had a wicked awesome pool so I could show off my breath-holding and sinking skills.

The picture of the train station is a bit fogged up but that is nothing compared to some of the pictures I took right as we got off the train. It is incredibly hot and humid in this part of China. Of course the worst part of that is my uncontrollable sweating. I know it won’t get any better because it never did even during the summer when I worked at a steel mill. So I’m constantly soaked in my own grossness and everyone thinks I’m about to die even though I feel fine except for being drenched and soggy.

I’ll tell you right now that there is only one thing grosser than the deluge I call perspiration and that is KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich. China has several American fast food chains but they have different menus that don’t always include the artery-clogging glory that Americans get to have quadruple-bypasses for eating.

Actually, the KFC in Guilin had signs up for chicken sandwiches with shrimp on them and I’m not sure about that nutrional value. We also grabbed pamphlets explaining the value of exercies and moderate use of salt. Did you read that mom? It isn’t natural to put salt on Taco Bell.

I haven’t noticed much difference between American fast food and Chinese-prepared American fast food. The menus are different but the McDonald’s double cheeseburger I got at the train station and bacon, egg, cheese sandwich at KFC were delicious and made me wish Taco Bell had ventured into China as well. I’m good enough with chopsticks now that I think I could get down on an enchirito pretty easily.

Now this next picture is important for two reasons. One, holy crap mountains. In this picture I’m about twenty minutes from being under one of those jagged pillars of stone in the Reed Flute Cave. Second, holy crap vendors who are everywhere selling the same stuff. They follow me everywhere because I must look especially vulnerable and stupid. Trust me when I say that even once you’ve ditched them that there will be more. There are always more.

The Reed Flute Cave is spectacular. Filled with stalactites and stalagmites, it was beautiful to behold but even cooler because of the history. The cave was named for the reeds that grow outside of it, which are used for making flutes. Some of the farmers living outside Guilin used the caves to hide from bandits who would attack their homes. I had a lot of fun trying to discern which formations were natural and which were carvings used by those people to navigate the caves long before it was transformed into a scenic area for toursits.

I also got to work on some of my Chinese in the caves. I’ve learned to survive with phrases like hello, how are you, thank you, and okay. Saying “okay” or “hao ma” and then gesticulating is very effective. You can even convince strangers to let you take their picture.

After leaving the Reed Flute Cave, we went to the South China Pearl Museum. Let’s just say that I had much higher expectations for this visit. The main problem was probably the lack of air conditioning and after the chill of the caves that was not a welcome thing. The Engrish in the museum was also out of control. Did you know that Chinese pearls are considered the best in the world according to “the world’s greatest authoritarian means of statistics” or that they are the “ancientest” in the world? Also, there was a modeling show.

Due to technical difficulties with the video I left it out, it could have been due to my lack of technical expertise as Jeremy's ghostwriter or difficulties on his end in China. Upon Jeremy's return we may get an opportunity to see the "Pearl Video"..... maybe, maybe not.

After a quick break, we went to Elephant Trunk Hill. Another large mountain in Guilin, this one is special to the locals because it is thought to look like an elephant drinking from the water. There are also some cave on either side considered to be the eyes of the elephant. It was a nice walk before dinner and just another opportunity to enjoy the mountain formations that have really struck me the most in China so far.

I’ve stopped taking pictures of everything we have for dinner because it is getting somewhat repetitive. Pretty much everywhere we eat has a big table with a lazy susan to share food and we’re seeing more and more of the same dishes. I’m loving every second but I know you don’t need to see each of those pictures. I think the coolest part is that each meal ends with fruit rather than some of the fattening foods we consider dessert. The watermelon here is amazing and dragonfruit is easily one of my new favorites.

But I need to get my fix for unique foods. So I’m turning to the street vendors. That night, after dinner, I made sure to stop by a nearby stall and eat what I’m calling “unidentified pig entrail on a stick” and to wash it down later with a nice coconut. It tasted like a hot dog but was incredibly chewy.

Guess what? That was only one day. Maybe now you understand why I feel like I have been here for weeks rather than just five days.

We took a boat to Yangshuo the next day. I was awe-struck even after a couple of hours sailing down the Li River. I’ll show you those pictures in just a second. First, you need to see the picture of me doing my best Leo DiCaprio at the edge of the boat. Then you need to see the guy who thought that was awesome and did it too.

Best story ever? We realized later that the dude in the pink shirt was either a pimp or a john. Regardless, someone told us that the beautiful women he was with were not his daughters, which he had told us, but prostitutes.

Moving on.

I’ve been working to improve my skills as a photographer during this trip. I’ve learned how to do many things with my camera that I did not even know were possible or necessary. And I owe all of that to the master himself, Jerome.

Mr. Stan, seventh grade teacher from Pennsylvania and our personal paparazzo, has been an inspiration for my photography skills and when he isn’t snapping pictures of everything we see you can find him doing work wooing the ladies. That isn’t really his intent but he has these awesome buttons from his school, James Buchanan Middle School, that he gives to only the coolest people we meet. You’re not worthy until you get your button.

That last picture is the money shot. Literally. Going down the Li River you can see the image on the back of the twenty yuan.

The other noteworthy event on the train was a new addition to the list of weird stuff I consumed while in China. May I introduce you to Chinese snake wine.

Made from only the finest cobra, this rice wine or grain alcohol is infused with the essence of a whole snake and, of course, it’s poisonous venom. Fortunately, the venom is rendered inactive by the alcohol but it still delivers one hell of a kick. And make sure you don’t confuse it with the snake and centipede concotion we saw later that day which is still poisonous unless you have venom in your system.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that even on the boat the vendors were able to find me.

Yep another video that the ghostwriter can't deliver on, lets blame this one on snake wine and also just be glad that Jeremy took all of his vaccinations before he left... probably should have thrown in a couple of others for extra measure.

 We arrived in Yangshuo and the first thing we saw were the fishermen there to take pictures for five yuan each. But I am very smart so I took my picture from the boat where they couldn’t make me pay. Notice the birds. These are called cormorants and the fishermen have trained them for fishing. They dive in the water to eat some fish but can’t swallow them because of cords around their necks thus enabling the fishermen to collect the fish for market.

After lunch, we took a bike tour of the farming areas around Yangshuo. It was amazing. I had a ton of fun just riding my bike through East Lansing or Charlotte but I’m afraid none of that can compare to this experience. Along the way, we stopped at the house of an important general for the area who served during the Ming dynasty and we stopped at some fields.

The social studies teacher in me especially loved getting to take pictures of the fields. China was the home of the earliest, and greatest, civilizations because it was suitable for growing many of the crops I saw yesterday. I’m glad that when we talk about the importance of rice and grains in my class that I can show these pictures and talk about what I saw while abroad.

We ended the night with a cultural event. A famous Chinese director (see the movie “Hero” with Jet Li, it is awesome) created the folk musical we saw called “Impressions on Sanjie Liu” and built the outdoor, natural amphitheater in which it is staged. The show employs over 600 singers and actors. Many of them are local people and fishermen.

Unfortunately, my camera died so I have no pictures but it was one of the most astonishing peformances I have ever seen. The entire show is done on the water of the Li River and the the mountains of the region are the backdrop. Even though you have no idea what is said, the music is captivating and that natural background sends chills up your spine.

The scene that did me in was at the very beginning. Everything goes dark after a really cool introduction with a lone singing girl on a boat surrounded by hundreds of fishermen on their rafts. Then, suddenly, hundreds of children emerge from the mountains and onto the stage with torches. The boys and girls have a dance-off as they sing and when they are done the entire mountain range is illuminated. I’ll work on getting those pictures because you really need to see this event.

I recognize that this has been an incredibly long post but that’s just how much fun I’m having and how amazing my experience has been thus far. Since I can’t post all of my pictures to Facebook, I have decided to always include a few extra at the end without providing context but just because they’re awesome. I’ll try to limit myself to my top ten… but I make no promises because just for the last two days I’m desperately trying to whittle down a list of twenty. Scratch that. I’m just going to go crazy and expect my ghost writer is up to the task.

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